Irate..

I am have the best F@#*ing day....NOT!!!
It started at 3am when my son thought it was morning and crawled into my bed
It continued at 4 when he woke up in his bed and was crying in his sleep
It escalated as I got ran off the road by a cement mixer who did not feel the need to use his turn signal before he swerved into my lane, almost on top of my car (luckily I swerved into the center turning lane)
The height was during 1st period when a student decided to defy and argue with me
I was livid by 2nd period when another student decided to argue, defy, destroy class property (man I was ready to wring both of their necks!!!)

Do NOT MESS WITH ME!

Add in some things from this weeek.
I am stewing over a conversation with one of my playgroup moms.

She said, "we have missed seeing you guys at playgroup"

me, "yeah, I work now. And it's been hard especially this month because of J's six month anniversary"

She said, "so h..h...howsyourhealth?"

Me, "my what?"

She, "your health"

Me, "my health? my health is fine, why?"

The conversation then went onto how it was so hard having two now, and around week 5 and 6 were really touch and go and blah blah blah... you get the drift

I am reminded of why I need not miss playgroup and it's interactions..I wouldn't have even called her, except that I am participating in the adopt-a-family outreach that our playgroup signed up for.

...and I'm craving chocolate and don't have any around..yikes!

edited to add: F$%K, the last woman in our group just gave birth to her happy healthy baby. OH, and she took the name that I was wanting to name Jessica for my entire pregnancy. Out of the 16 women in my playgroup, 15 were pregnant this year and only I didn't get to keep mine (the other woman is only having one by choice) I'm going to go cry now.. This sucks and I am not happy for them...all they do is complain about their children

Hypopregdriac

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I could convince myself of being pregnant with the minimal amount of symptoms.
Today it was the cold milk guzzling.....
I don't even like MILK!! I've been using soy in my cereal and such but had to have the real thing...weird.
I guess my diet will be screwy for a bit.
Everytime I feel unmotivated, I just think, "my baby died. I don't have the baby to go along with the weight"
Oh and did I mention that a couple of weeks ago, a grocery cashier had THE NERVE to ask me when I was DUE!?!?!and she sounded so confident.
Maybe because I have lost weight in my face in arms, but not too much yet in my belly. After the first baby, the pounds melted off and I got within 5 lbs of my pre-prego weight. After the second.....it's hard. Like my body is wanting to hang onto it....onto her..

Still, the milk thing is weird. Oh my, I think I'd have another right now if I could afford the calories.

So far, I seem to be eating between 1500 and 1800 kcal a day and burning by exercise about 450-700 per day
Oh and tonight I made some meat-less Asian-style lettuce wraps that were pretty tasty. I don't eat a lot of soy, but thought I'd try a new product made from tempeh and mix it with water chestnuts and kale.

*That* Smell

Today it's missing that smell of soft receiving blankets,
A warm being inside, sleeping peacefully
Little pastel onesies all folded up nicely
Baby socks that don't stay on kicking feet
The smell on the top of the head of peach fuzz that intoxicates

And why does my mind wander every time I see a little pink spotting mid-cycle?
Luckily, I don't have anymore PTs to torture myself with (and yes, I'm on BC pills again so this isn't a possibility)

Strange Days...

These are strange days. I'm up, I'm down. Well, maybe not "up" but not "down". Neither here nor there.
I escaped T-day relatively unscathed. The day after proved to be an entirely different event. Mostly, because we visited part of the family that we didn't on T-day. And in doing so, caught up on all the gossip.
Dh's cousin is now 8 weeks pregnant.
Dh's brother's wife just found out they are pregnant (but SHHHH! don't tell! *yeah right*)
and Dh's cousin and wife are TTC

And all of this nicely packaged gossip was all handsomely gift-wrapped with a sparkly bow that posed the question, "so, when are you guys going to be announcing some good news?"

Tactfully, I replied, "Next summer. I want to lose all the baby weight and time it with the school year so I can continue working part-time at my job teaching"

The night, however, was where the fatal blow of popcorn finally struck down that brick wall (after having been bombarded all day with popcorn kernels). That night's dinner included a guilted grilled-cheese sandwich, tomato-basil soup, and two glasses of deep red wine.