Sums It Up, More Eloquent Than I

A Minor Bird

I have wished a bird would fly away,
And not sing by my house all day;

Have clapped my hands at him from the door
When it seemed as if I could bear no more.

The fault must partly have been in me.
The bird was not to blame for his key.

And of course there must be something wrong
In wanting to silence any song.

Robert Frost

Mind-Body Connection

My body has figured out new ways to torture me. The latest being unmotivated, cramps, bloatedness (is that a word?), gas, slight nausea when I don't eat, some just after I do, backache, headache.
Basically the worst case of PMS I've had in awhile.
And of course in the back of my mind, I am hoping baby. But even I know that 8 DPO I wouldn't have symptoms.

And so I sit here depressed and tortured.


On a side note, who the hell goes baby clothes shopping when they are 10 weeks preggo?
Cousin in law of course with other cousin in law who is 17 weeks. What a nice bond they get to share, don't you think?... =(

ETA: My temp dropped today so I'm sure it's all over

riiiiiggggtttthhtttt....

2 newborns
2 preggos
1 big family gathering
yeah.......
I'm sloshed..
4 more days until POAS.

Here I am...

Ever so often I can feel the fog start to roll in. Not the refreshing cool fog that one relishes on the beach during childhood, while running in the sand, daring the fog to consume her, but the looming blanket that threatens to swallow you; suffocate you.

I am certain there are many things I should be sad about, but the saddest thing I can think of is that : here I am.

I feel the fog start to creep up. It starts one afternoon, only to recede upon waking the next morning. The next day again, it begins in the afternoon, this time threatening to cancel plans with friends. The third day, after everyone has left the house for the morning, it starts to beg, "Hey, remember me?"

Yes, indeed I remember you. I try and ignore you. I try to drown you. I try to run away from you. I try to rationalize you. There is no reason for you to be following me like a shadow, lurking in every step I take or mile I drive. I know eventually you will take heed and leave me alone for another day, but right now you are annoying me and I wish you gone.I wish I could squeeze you out with tears, and yet, I hardly have tears left.

But the saddest thing of all is that here I am, after all of this, and I know, it's not even remotely the end. There will be more hurt and despair; heartache.

If I could go back to those days when I dared the fog to catch me, I'd laugh at it. I'd spread my arms and open my mouth to it. It would be exhilarating.

But I cannot go back.
So here I am.