The cold crisp days from the past few weeks are changing. It is getting warmer, windier and the clouds are moving in.
Where once I embraced change, now I resist it.
I catch myself planning to do things next week, next month, and next year, only to realize that I cannot really bank on anything the future may or may not hold. This is unsettling.
So what do I try and do? I try and embrace the little moments. Picking my son up at school and spending an hour at the park before naptime. Playing with him. Embarking on his adventures. Playing with sticks and drawing circles in the sand warmed by the winter sun.
I try and spend time reflecting on my job. I feel like I have a job that makes a difference and I am doing something worthwhile. Where once I focused on achievement and striving for the top of the ladder, I am taking the little moments each day to be present. I take comfort in the cause, not necessarily the outcome.
I no longer try and censor everything I say and worry what others think. There are cruel people in the world, and only time will try and change them. They have their own trials and tribulations ahead of them. They will not go through life without loss of some kind. The road ahead of them is full of heartache and saddess, but they have yet to see that end of it. But they will...they will...
They do not see time is precious. Time is a gift. Every moment of the day is one that was given to us.
They don't see. They waste time being hateful. They waste time spending money and griping, shouting obscenities out car windows, cheating, and hurting one another. They do not see. One day they will. One day they will.
I have seen it. Life is a gift. We do not have a right to life, but we are indeed given life. In an instant, it can be taken away. We don't have time. If we don't cherish life, we waste it. ...cherish it.
I had this ornament made from Jessica's footprint. They did a beautiful job. We are giving one to each set of parents as well has DH's grandmother. It will be nice that her memory will be there with us this holiday season. I ordered it from this site and got them in less then a week. They were very helpful over the phone.
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10 comments:
That ornament is beautiful. What sweet way to remember Jessica.
Oh and congrats on the 3 pounds!!
The ornament is beautiful.
Unfortunately, I am pretty sure that there are people who won't ever get it. Or maybe fortunately, since that means they won't be touched by great enough tragedy to make them see. And I certainly don't wish this on anyone. But there are some people who are so oblivious in their triumphant march through life that it is almost blinding, and is certainly more than a little difficult for me to deal with right now.
I LOVE the ornament you had made. What a wonderful thing for you to do - for yourself and Jessica's grandparents.
I find it so hard living amongst all the people who still believe they are exempt from real pain and loss. I'm jaded now. I KNOW bad things can happen to anyone. I want to scream this to the world, but they'd probably just think I was a raving lunatic. And I am a bit, but also a mother grieving her dead baby. They just don't get it. It makes me mad and sad. I want to switch places with them. I'd like to be oblivious too.
Thank you so much for sharing the beautiful ornament and for linking to where you had it made.
You are so right--life is a gift. It can be hard to see how many other people take this gift for granted. How sad and what a waste it would be to live through life without embracing the "little" moments or reflecting on our opportunities.
Like you, I stopped trying to censor everything I say. It wasn't so much that I had to try, I just found that I no longer could hold certain things back. I think this also comes out of that deep understanding of how precious life is. It is too precious to be silent at times when that silence could be interpreted as an agreement to a falsehood. This, in retrospect, was very important to my healing. For me, since William was born prematurely, it was correcting people when they said things (either overtly or subtly) that basically equated his loss to a miscarriage. This made for some uncomfortable exchanges, but I always walked away from them feeling so much better than I had after the times when I didn't speak up.
The ornament is just so special and precious. It does help the heart to have some tangible items of the children we have lost, to hold and gaze upon when we need to.
I am a planner by nature...and, I have learned I have to give that up. Living in the moment is very, very hard for me - especially when you think in terms of how people SHOULD act, and they don't. Thank you for the inspiration in your post...
Amen to your whole post. Jessica's ornament is beautiful.
Jessica's ornament is such a beautiful idea. I would like to get one done for Ava, too. Thank you for sharing this.
You know, this is somethign that I too struggle with...all the people that don't get it... and who show no appreciation for how much they really do have.
I love the ornament and think that is a great idea. Thank you for sharing the website.
As for the people who don't get it, yeah, I could say a lot on this. A LOT.
I love the ornament. I'm going to go and check out that site, right now!
beautiful ornament. thanks for the link. although we're not doing christmas anything this year, again, it will be nice to have.
thinking of you.
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