The Rain..

I am sitting here in my living room, in the glider I bought for Jessica, sipping hot Oolong tea and listening to the storm. Yes, even here in California we get storms. This one has brought rain and wind, and even some street flooding.
As I'm sitting here, the house is rather dark because of the clouds, and very quiet because my son is napping. While I sit here, I am daydreaming of summer. Of hot sunny days, of summer fruits and veggies, playing in the pool, and being hot and blissfully pregnant. I can see myself watching my son play in the park while I stop every so often to touch my belly, in a time where being pregnant is a little bit of a secret.
Yes, I can see it so vividly.

If only it were sunny and not stormy. If only I had a new little someone inside with new promise rather than thinking about the promise that was broken. If only I were happy instead of just making it by day after day.

If only it were not the winter of my life and instead returned to summer..

If only...