I'm finding one aspect of my job hard.
The kids come into my classroom on an equal level. I make it a point not to know their histories or what they've done wrong to land here at the alternative school.
My classroom is a safe place-free from sexism, racism, bullyism, profanity, etc. (even though they may need constant reminders of how one should interact in civilized society)
I trust them until they give me reason not to.
I think with most of the kids, they realize this. I don't treat them like "bad" kids just because they may have that stigmatism.
But....
There is a point in the process, where sometimes you find out a little about them, and it hurts.
The other day, the receptionist relayed the story of how she was on the phone with the students' mother and the following conversation took place in the background
Mom: "I'm sick of you. I'm going to leave you"
Kid: "You can't do that, you're my mom. They'll throw you in jail for abandonment"
Mom: "I don't care. I can't stand you. I'm going to put you in foster care"
...
Please, don't have kids unless you are going to want them even when they are teenagers and struggling for independence, even when they try to get attention the bad way.
I was informed days later that there is a possibility this kid might be moving to LA
He said to me today, after I thanked him for his participation in the class discussion,
"Mrs. C, can you see I'm trying hard this week?" (as if saying, "can't you see, I'm not too screwed-up, I'm worthy of love")
I said,
"Yes, I see M. I really appreciate your participation and insight and I recognize your efforts. Thanks"
I know there will probably be a day where, without warning, he will no longer be at school. There will be no goodbyes. There will be no knowing what has happened to him, and how his life might turn out years later.
There is only hope. Only hope that maybe, in recognizing his efforts, he made the decision to be a good kid and learned that good efforts are rewarded far more in society than the bad. And that he is the only one responsible for his actions.
Afterwards, there will be absence......only to be filled with another...another one seeking, striving, trying, learning, ....
The hardest part is the lack of closure. It's like starting to read a book in the middle and after just finally getting into the plot, someone takes the book while you're not looking.
missing_one
About Me
- missing_one
- west coast, United States
- I'm here because it seems to be helping. I am mother to a toddler and we lost our beautiful daughter on Mother's Day 2007 because of cord compression . Ironically, the day she died in the womb, May 12, was her "exact" due date(40 weeks). So many things like this I cannot explain. We welcomed our 'rainbow baby' Jan 2010! Email me: amendingheart at gmail dot com
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7 comments:
Oh. I'm not a teacher, but I'm involved with a school, and I know precisely that feeling...you captured it so well.
"...someone takes the book while you're not looking."
that sums up alot of things lately.
i can't imagine doing what you do. but i know those kids are better for having known you.
God bless you for your efforts. I mean it. Even though our son receives tons of affirmation and love at home I still hope that he is being given the kind of messages at school that you gave that boy. Kids this age need to hear from as many adults as possible that they are worthwhile and capable.
I am so sorry for that boy- and all of them like him.
That was one thing I found hard as a teacher as well: the lack of closure. The "not knowing" is something I've always had immense difficulty with.
Your response to this student was so kind. So very kind.
Oh sweetie, I know exactly what you are writing about. I had two twin girls in my class who lived with their grandmother. They were so excited that their mother was getting out of prison. They wrote about it for weeks. When she finally got out she left town without even seeing her two daughters. Grandma told me that she's been re-arrested for crack possession. I never saw to sadder children in my life. They were so heartbroken.
They remember you. You may be one of the only adults whoever expressed any amount of support, care, or belief. You give them a bit of hope to grab onto later.
After teaching at the school I was at for seven years I finally took a tour through the neighborhoods that my students lived in and it gave me such insight into their home lives...something I still carry with me now. I taught in south Tacoma and always lived at least an hour north (Seattle area). Coming and going to work, even meeting at colleague's houses who lived closer to the school than I did, never brought me into these neighborhoods.
Many of my students lived transient lives of one sort or another--homeless, foster system, shifted back and forth among relatives, military family, or just extremely poor and moving in and out of housing frequently. Sometimes, though, this transient lifestyle would bring them back into my classroom several months to a year or two later (since I taught art I would have students through all four years of high school, if they chose to continue to take it). More often than not I saw that these kids were doing ok, or even better than that. And every year I had several students come back to visit. These visits were some of the highlights of my time as a teacher, primarily because of the aspect of teaching that you wrote about--not knowing what happens to them.
The students who you teach and have taught will carry with them the positive impact that being in your presence has undoubtedly had on them, of this I am certain.
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