Home...

The mountains were beautiful and it was great to escape everyday-life for awhile. It was fun to play, be silly, and work together.
My mom went with us and that was good too. She's been feeling like a failure because despite her efforts, she's still unemployed, and at the end of the month, she will no longer be able to receive unemployment funds.She was doing well until last night at dinner, when my MIL (FIL and MIL came up that evening) "So do you commute to work?"...argh.

As she was describing her awkwardness and feelings of inadequacy, I understood exactly how she felt. You know, when you're sitting around a table and the question comes about "so are you guys going to have two kids?" or some other nonsense. I wish I could get her a job. She is doing everything right and has been. Everyday she searches for a job. She interviews, even gets called back. But there are so many out of work right now. This is depressing. I wish I had the hope to "pray" for her and know that God would grant her a job. But I know now, this is not how it works. I so badly wish I had that faith back.

But the time spent earlier that day was spent laughing at each other trying to walk on icy roads, laughing at the couple snow-shoeing who were in their swimsuits (only in California..) and then daring each other to sit on the lifeguard chair (where the base was completely packed with snow) and take off our top and take pictures in our sports bras. I almost did it...almost.
My son loved the snow...and we came home only to have him have a fever of 104 degrees. I'm glad we came back when we did.

I really need to get back on my diet. But it is so tiresome. Will the scale ever show the numbers I want? I haven't been very good the last couple of weeks. Tomorrow I am thinking about getting it together again... part of me just wants to hang onto the weight...even get fat. I want to be pregnant so I can get fat and eat food without looking at the ingredients. I guess I want to be fat because it feels like I'm pregnant.(I know that must sound a little screwed up) Tomorrow though. I haven't really gone to the gym in the last two weeks either. I just need to do it. I'm thinking of joining a website I read about in a magazine so that I'll have other people to motivate me. I wish I were fat and 9 months pregnant again......but the journey is so far from here.