In the background today:
baby...deadbaby.....pregnant once....pregnant again sometime? .....baby.....deadbaby...pregnant once.....pregnant again sometime...?
It's just background noise. Remembrance. Not really emotions attached to it.
How will the one year anniversary be next month? What will I/we do?
Life was once effortless, little did I know..
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8 comments:
I miss effortless. It's just so much work right now.
I don't know how the one year anniversary will be for you...I'm hoping you make it through to the other side unscathed.
Wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and continuing to pray for peace in the next few months. It is so amazing to think back on our lives at different times and think how difficult situations were...little did we know what was to come. These tragedies put everything into perspective and I am hoping to come out a stronger, more compassionate person in the long run. It is so hard to try to keep your head above water....wanted to know you are in my thoughts.
Effortless, but we probably didn't think so at the time eh?
I have no advice, except to do something that feels natural, not forced.
hugs
g
ps - lellowg at gmail dot com, in case you do go private.
Some days the background noise would get us committed if we played it out loud, no?
The one year thing is tough. We ended up thinking a lot about what to do, and doing rather minimalist things. Which was what we needed. Recently, Monkey told me she thinks we should bake something on the anniversaries, so come next January, there may be cupcakes or something going on in my house. We will see.
12 months was when I had my major melt down so all i can advise is take care of yourself.
Hugs
xxx
I thought you went private and somehow I missed it. But here you are.
I hope the one year mark is not too painful for you. I have no idea what you can expect. But I will be thinking about you.
I'm sorry you're coming up on this, it's so hard just anticipating. Everything from the days before just sprung into relief in my memory -- it was really awful, like watching someone knowing they're going to get by the car coming from around the corner and there's no way to stop them.
My whole life seems effortless up 'til that point, even the hard stuff.
My due date is coming up and I've been thinking about a way to honor my child. I thought about planting a flowering tree, something like a Weeping Cherry. And then I thought, 'Well what if it dies. How will I feel then?' Figures that I even expect a tree I plant to die.
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