6 x 6 from GITW...

Meme via Glow in the Woods

1 | How would you describe your relationship to fear before and after the loss of your baby?
I think I can safely say that before my loss, I didn't really fear anything. I thought my life was pretty charmed. Now, I fear the loss of opportunity. It's not that I dread things are going to happen (except now I know they can happen to me), but I fear that if I don't do something today, there may not be a chance to do it tomorrow.

2 | Is your lost baby/are your babies present in your life? In what way? Yes, I think of her everyday. When I think of my son, she is there as his sister. When I think about the next pregnancy, it will be my third child. When people ask me if my son is our only child, even though I may not say it, in my head I think "no, I have two"

3 | Tell us about something said or done after your loss that left you feeling nurtured or supported. All the family and friends that came to the memorial (including my entire playgroup), all the moms in my playgroup also brought us dinner for months...it was so nice. They also made a donation in her name on the one year anniversary (without me saying anything about the date, they remembered!)
Also, my coworker who has been pregnant has been so sensitive and supportive of me, and not flaunting her pregnancy or joy in front of me. Also my boss, who is always thinking of me and caring about how I am feeling during anniversaries and holidays.

4 | Tell us about something said or done after your loss that left you feeling marginalized or misunderstood.
The countless heartless phrases that people say to minimalize your loss. But also how my "best friend" was not there for me....in any way....

5 | What's taken you a long time to do again? How did it feel, if you have?

I think the hardest to do, not again, but just to do, is to let go of that idea that you have control over things that happen. Because you don't.

6 | How would you describe yourself as a partner before, and after?

I think the main difference is that 'before' I was really easy going, and afterwards, I got more sensitive to the little things, became more nit-picky, less tolerant of unthoughtfulness. It's hard to work through.