Thanks

Thank you all for remembering my Jessica. I think the hardest part about having a year's time go past is that people forget.
Some unexpectedly great things were the friend that wanted to take me out to lunch, another who just checked in (I hadn't said anything about the anniversary to either of them), the boss who asked how I was doing, the cooworker who thought I should take the time out for me that day.

I thought that after the diasterous Mother's Day I had on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday would be a piece of cake.
What finally got me was the eCard my friend sent me with a poem about my Jessica.
I cried, and then I looked through her things on the shelf, and then I posted her picture here.

I can't believe a year has gone by. A big chunk of time.
I am so emotionally exhausted this week (although to tell the truth, last week, overall was worse emotionally for some reason).
So much time......a lifetime

Most days, I am just coasting; taking the daily triumphs and failures in stride as they come along. Just riding the wave....

Happy Birthday

Dear Jessica,
I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. I will never forget you and your presence, how I knew you.
On this day I never knew I could feel so much love and yet so much sadness. You came into this world and were gone too soon from us.
I know your life has meaning and there was a purpose for why you had to leave so soon, even though it is left unrevealed to us.
I love you so much.
You are never to far from my thoughts.
I cherish the memories always.
And so today I will celebrate your life; one that was so pure and so peaceful from the very beginning to the end. I hold you in my heart so tightly because I cannot hold you in my arms.
You are my beautiful baby girl, forever and always.
Happy Birthday Baby!

Love,
Your mama

Jessica Anne
born still May 13, 2007
8 lbs 4 oz 20.5 in

Silence....

How long will I keep this silence?
How long will I go on, believing that people will remember....believing they can restore my faith in friends and family

The sounds of silence are deafening
and on the inside I am still there, screaming, crying in my bed. Feeling those same emotions I did almost a year ago when I came home from the hospital without my baby

I have no plan for Tuesday.

Silence my mind...silence my heart...

May Day

It is May....
I'm feeling better. I'm feeling I can make it through this month one step at a time head-on.
Thank you for all of your kind words and thoughts, even the ones who didn't comment.

It's funny how today is "May Day" and it's the start of my "mayday".. Or maybe that is a little too punny for today.