Good Head Space..

Just a few short weeks ago, I felt myself in the downward slump of depression. I was so fed up with the feeling I almost seriously considered going to my doctor and getting some medication. But I held out, and the past week has been so much better.

This Sunday was spent spending time with A and Dh. Dh and I went bike-riding downtown to our favorite pub, enjoyed yummy food and beer and then I happily pedaled back. Somehow I felt lighter, free-er.

It was good to laugh. It was good to enjoy my family's company. The little moments where my son literally makes me roar in laughter. Of more significance, it was great to feel like we did before...before our lives were turned upside-down.
What I once thought was lost forever in the naive part of my life, now reclaimed. I didn't think it was possible to feel that way again, and am encouraged that it does, if only for a few days at a time, to feel joy.

Tonight I was productive. Dh came home to a mini-turkey and stuffing meal, mashed potatoes, gravy, spinach salad (with feta and kalmatta olives), and some red wine. A was bathed, stories were read, and put to bed. Things were even in order for tomorrow (A had a project due and something to 'share' at share-time). And blueberry muffins were even made for tomorrow's breakfast.

It feels good....really really good to be content and productive for once. I am not obsessing over my weight (although I have been consistently working out still), obsessing over TTC (when it happens it happens), obsessing over getting my test results (really, there's nothing I can do at this moment), so I'm just taking it as it comes...for now anyways.

Don't wanna...

I don't want to deal with my renewed anger
nor the afflicted sadness
nor the sense of defeat
nor the thoughts about others that creep into my head that shouldn't
nor the timelessness of my venture
nor the waiting and unknowing

I need to focus on getting through
to that next level
to that next venture
to the sense of hope
and renewed passion for something
to look forward,
all eyes on the road ahead
to believe I am making more progress than I am
and be patient, knowing I may not

It's no one's fault that I am here, but if you could let me stop and buy a map, I'd be forever grateful.

Okay, done.

I had the col.posco.py done today. It wasn't fun. I don't recommend it.
But as we all know, it isn't the most painful thing to happen to me by far.
I get the results in 10 days.

I've been feeling a little defeated all day.

Hopeful Mood Today...

I’ve been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn’t see it
Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn

And I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart

And I’m out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
I’m keeping my feet on the ground
Arms open wide
Face to the sun


This is the time of my life.
This is the time of my life.


David Cook- Time of my Life