My book came yesterday afternoon. I was so excited I started reading it that evening.
What I've learned is this:
1) cord accidents are very rare (less than 1%)
2) fatality from cord torsion and compression is even rarer
3) there is little risk of this happening again (although I will no longer be so naively optimistic)
4) I need to wait until my maternal stores have, well, stocked up so as to improve the chance of having another healthy baby
-little thought in the back of my head as to maybe as the Wharton Jelly in the cord depletes as the baby reaches term-this might have made it easier to compress? My son had a knot in his cord and they told me he was "late" by 10 days but when he came out, he was only 6 lbs 14 oz and still had some of that baby fuzz on him. My daughter jessica, of which I know the exact day of conception, was exactly 40 weeks and was 8lbs 4oz. So they must have gotten my son's date wrong. After all, I was taking B/C when we found out. I think he must have been early. Maybe it was a good thing my water broke when it did. My children I guess are just really active with their cords and whatnot. Although whoever thought it was a brillant idea to stick a helpless baby in there with three feet of rope has a really sick sense of humor.
Sometimes I feel as if people look at me and think, "what did she do wrong in her pregnancy to have this outcome" Even though I know I did nothing wrong and everything right, it still hurts to think people might be thinking this.
I don't feel guilty. When will the guilt hit? I don't really have anything to feel guilty for. Everyone says I will though, but sometimes I just think maybe I'm too rational for that? My heart is full even though my arms are empty.
I guess this now solves the three kid debate. DH always said he wanted two at the most, I wanted at least three.
Hopefully I'll win. I think I have better chances now. I guess that was a bad joke.
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4 comments:
I don't know if you have already found this organization, but I would recommend looking at the MissingGrace website, www.missinggrace.org
They work closely with Dr. Jason Collins who is one of the only doctors in the US actively working on researching and preventing stillbirths, specifically from cord accidents.
I have a good friend who is very active with the organization who lost her firstborn son during delivery to a cord accident. He was actually resuscitated after delivery, but was taken off of life support after about 6 days when it was determined to be futile. I know if you ever wanted to write to her she would be fine with my giving you her email. You can always email me if you are interested.
I understand the pain of thinking people somehow think Jessica's death was your fault. I doubt anyone is, but if so it's just about trying to believe it couldn't happen to anyone at anytime. I'm glad you know it's not.
Although whoever thought it was a brillant idea to stick a helpless baby in there with three feet of rope has a really sick sense of humor.
For sure.
To second Lori's comment about cord accidents, I have been in touch with Dr. Collins. I consider myself something of a self-learned expert in the area. Email if you want more info.
I hope to goodness that you are fortunate enough to avoid the guilt-spiral. It is pretty ugly. Nonsensical, but ugly.
I love my "Trying Again" book. I haven't read it in months and months, but it gave me hope that day it came in the mail from Amazon. And I love Ann Douglas for writing it - she amazes me. I am a fan of her; I read her books and magazine articles and blogs, etc. etc.
I hope the book does for you what it did for me.
I don't have any guilt either. Most days. Sometimes I read something small that makes me think that if I knew it then... But I realize, quickly, that these things were also normal symptoms of my pregnancy, that the autopsy confirmed acute asphyxia, meaning it happened very fast, and that it would have taken nothing short of a miracle with the booming voice and all for us to have a different outcome.
The thing about the knot on your son's cord makes me think that maybe your kids are prone to having long cords, which is a risk factor for cord accidents, as I found out. They think there is a genetic component to this, but they are not sure, and they certainly don't know what it is. My daughter didn't have a knot, and no one recorded the length of her cord, but I have extracted a promise from The Best Doctor Ever (no, really) that next time they will be looking closely with the ultrasound, and we will go from there.
We are getting close to the time when we will be allowed to try again, and I am finding myself having very complicated feelings about it. I want to do it, but I am also hesitating...
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