Stuck in morning traffic. The brake lights came on and I crept forward, relieved that the bulk of my commute was finished. I had dropped off my son and now just needed to make the next 3.6 miles to school. Suddenly, though, somehow, I realized that just at that time, 7:48am I was sitting on my hospital bed in shock.
Hemorraging at the waist down, but also in the heart. My heart had been ripped out, and the only anguished sounds that were left were a woman crying out for her beloved child.
At the suggestion of my boss, I am looking for a "ritual" I can do. I am thinking of lighting a candle. I guess the Jewish candles last 24 hours....
I need a ritual.
What rituals do you do or have thought of doing?
today is six months.....
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7 comments:
I hate those moments when you think this time last... I was ....
They really hurt when you remember.
My counsellor told me I need a ritual too, but I think it's going to be more like a few rituals, Xmas, 6 months, his birthday.
I've been looking at the 24 hour candles as well for Xmas and for his birthday.
Also after a year we are going to scatter his ashes in the woods we've chosen for him. Then plant a tree for him at home.
I'd also like to release a balloon for him every year. And of course sunflowers, they were the flowers for his funeral (hence my blog being sunflowers), I'm going to get them every year to have in the house on his birthday.
I think rituals are important.
C x x
The memories hurt so, so much. **Hugs**
I have two rituals for my angels: One is I light a candle for them on their EDD's and the days I lost them. The other is I wear a charm bracelet every day that my husband had made for me after my last m/c - it has a charm for each angel lost, surrounding a charm for DS, and a butterfly charm to always remember. It is rare that a day goes by that I don't wear it - the tinkling of the charms are always a reminder that my angels are always with me.
Thinking of you...
i light a candle every day. when i am not home i have a fountain that is also a candle that is always "lit." I also wear a necklace that a friend gave us "for" Lucy at the funeral. I wear every day all day long.
in a way i can't wait to get to six months...then again, it's really all the WORK that i wince at. not only do we lose what's most precious, but then we're left with so much work.
i haven't thought of any rituals. all i know is, when *the* day comes around next year, i need to be far away from home.
I have a memory garden. When her flowers bloom it makes me smile.
I'm also thinking of attending a candle lighting ceremony (it will be my first) for infant loss.
Thinking of you...
It's only been a couple of weeks since I lost my son. In my mind, I'd like to ritualize everything - one week, two week, three week, etc. anniversary, anniversary of his EDD, first Christmas without him, first New Year. I'm probably over-compensating...
I have lit a candle in his memory and my family and I plan to attend an infant loss candle-lighting for Christmas. I also plan on having a small memorial ceremony for my baby in the spring; we will plant a tree in his memory and have a balloon release. I want to do so much more for him as it's the only form of parenting I can do for him.
I think one day my kids are going to hate me for forcing their dead brother on them. I mean, kids blame their parents anyway, what's one more thing.
I've only started to read your blog, but I think of you and it a lot. I hope you can find some wonderful ways to memorialize your little girl.
hi there, i'm just catching up with your blog after being in a funk (still am)...our rituals/ways of remembering:
1. weekly cemetery visits, with breakfast and a newspaper
2. hubby and i wear two bracelets, one with each girl's name on them
3. pictures set up in our home, molds of their foot/handprints, angel ornaments given to us last year
4. we took down pics of other people's babies from our fridge and replaced them with our girls and pets
5. we always sign their names in cards, as in ^Cerina^ and ^Nadia^ (i don't care if it freaks people out)
i hope you can find something that works for you. thinking of you on her 6-month angelversary and always.
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