Today my co-worker pulled me aside and had some news. She's pregnant. 12 weeks. She wanted to tell me alone before she told the rest of the people at work. She wanted to be sensitive to me. I was touched. I don't think she expected me to genuinely smile and grab her and give her a big hug and say "congratulations". But I did. I am happy for her. She is one of the people who deserve babies, you know? Kind and sensitive and caring. And yes, some people I think DO NOT deserve babies, or children for that matter. I guess some are lucky that it is not MY decision to make.
So she said, "so I'm open to any advice" and I said, "well, I'm sure you'll get plenty of that from everyone"
After thinking about it. What advice would I give her? Initially, I thought, *have a live baby* was a good goal. But really, how would one ensure that? You can't. I had a flawless pregnancy. I did everything right. I ate right, took my prenatal vitamins, exercised regularly. I craved vegetables and avocados. I didn't have blood pressure problems or blood sugar problems, and I'm under the age of 30. My body started to go into labor naturally. I wasn't stressed out. What would I do differently? Nothing other then maybe enjoy the time a little more. I guess that is what my advice would be.
I really have no regrets. And next time I get pregnant, I'll do no differently. I really don't even want to be treated as high risk, because I'm not. I've had two successful pregnancies. I took care of my children as much as I could.
We would like to shelter them from the world, protecting them. But in the end, we cannot. We must take solace in knowing that we did everything we could, with the information given to us at the time. Any good mother would have done anything she could to save her child's life. But in the end, it is indeed her CHILD'S life, and not her own.
missing_one
About Me
- missing_one
- west coast, United States
- I'm here because it seems to be helping. I am mother to a toddler and we lost our beautiful daughter on Mother's Day 2007 because of cord compression . Ironically, the day she died in the womb, May 12, was her "exact" due date(40 weeks). So many things like this I cannot explain. We welcomed our 'rainbow baby' Jan 2010! Email me: amendingheart at gmail dot com
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5 comments:
I've read in a previous post what you've written about today, that you had no regrets about your pregnancy, whether you could have done something differently for a different outcome. I think that guilt is what consumes a lot of grieving parents (certainly me in the early months), although they probably did everything right, and did the best they could.
When my best friend told me she was pregnant (3 mos after our loss), I didn't want to talk to her about her pregnancy. At all. I finally got to talking to her in the weeks leading up to her due date, but it was strange for me because I had never gotten that far along.
I like that advice, to enjoy the time a little more.
Yes, good advice. Enjoy the pregnancy. For as long as it continues. Enjoy every minute, every movement, every hiccup, every day. Because whether that baby is born live or still, the privilege of pregnancy ends for all of us at some point.
"But in the end, it is indeed her CHILD'S life, and not her own."
that is seriously profound. since we never get to experience them alive ourside ourselves, it's so hard to remember that simple truth. it's so hard not to just think of them as all intertwined within us, and in ways they are. very profound.
Beautiful advice!
I agree, enjoy your pregnancy would be my advice and don't listen to everyone's 'helpful' suggestions would be my second.
I have left a lot of my guilt behind now. I do realise I could not have done more for Jacob, there was no way on this earth I could have prevented what happened. So like you I hope in a subsequent pregnancy to be able to embrace that thought and to realise there is only so much I can do and beyond that it is out of my control.
You're right there are definitely some people that deserve children and some who just don't as horrible as that is to say.
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