I didn't need to see the movie because we had our own fo.ur Chri.stmases. Between going to the extended IL family on the Eve (surrounded by preggos and infants, this is where the bulk of the drinking occured), our own little ceremony on the morn, then the MIL and FIL's, then off to drive to my mother's. Oh yes, we did it all.
I am trying to keep in the present. I can't focus on what it would have been like to have a 20 month old with us.....although the thoughts did enter into my mind a few times.
I am actually looking forward to the new year....maybe it will be a new start. By this time next year, I'd like to either be hugely pregnant, or holding a crying infant in my arms.
But for now, I'm content to watch my son scoop up his new Lego.s, singing happily to himself. I am eternally grateful for the gift that he is to me and everyday I have with him, is a little piece of heaven and unbridled love.
I'm trying not to want more than I have, because I indeed have so much to fill my heart.
I'll try.
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7 comments:
Christmas is nearly unbearable when there's this alternate reality floating around in our minds.
I'm okay with wanting more. It's accepting that I can't have it that does me in. The fear. The anxiety. The feelings of failure and hopelessness. Now, those are the things I could do without.
Glad the booze got you through the evening. Hoping you're hugely pregnant soon. XO.
I'm okay with wanting more. It's accepting that I can't have it that does me in. The fear. The anxiety. The feelings of failure and hopelessness. Now, those are the things I could do without.
Glad the booze got you through the evening. Hoping you're hugely pregnant soon. XO.
my motivation for appreciating what i have in the present seems to be tied hugely to what ELSE can be taken away from me. i am far from zen, but it feels better than holding on to the pain of what i don't have.
for some reason i've been stumbling onto blogs of people who have lost so much more...and it scares the shit out of me.
The multiple C.hristmas thing is exhausting. We just returned from our C.hristmas marathon. Lots of babies and preggos there, too. I think I'll spend the next three days in bed. Thought of you a lot while we were gone...hope you are doing well today.
Cheers to 2009! Let's hope it brings joy for all. Only a few more days until this year is behind us.
I hope that your dreams come true next year.
Expect nothing. Be pleasantly surprised. I try and aspire to that mantra, but fail miserably.
Sometimes it's good not to try and to just float along with the missing and see where it takes you.
Best of '09 to you.
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