NYE..

I have been horribly grumpy this morning. I wonder if it has to do with the looming new year. The new year offers no promises to be better, or even different than this past year. I think what is getting to me the most is that I was supposed to have accomplished more this year. Leaving this year unfinished is like leaving that stack of papers to finish before going on vacation. I can't enjoy the time away when I have so much that I left.
Some of you have reached or almost reached your goals by now. You have new babies with new promise and for that I am happy. But here, I have fallen short.
The new year, like the wave that crests out in the ocean, IS coming. It will come whether I am resistant to it or not. It will wash away some of the old, build some new and then go back out to sea once more. But where will I be at the end of this new year? will I still be there, in shock, drenching wet, seaweed in my hair, thinking, "WTF?"
Because that is how I feel right now about this year.
The new year will come tomorrow and I'll still be standing there thinking, "WTF".
No better. No worse. Slightly damp.
Dh hates to do any kind of NYE celebrations because of stupid people on the road, so I'm sure here we will sit, while our angel child sleeps in his bed, and just sit here like any other night.
I can neither welcome the new year with open arms nor say a big "FU". Until I have another living child the years will blend together, one after another in a lull tide of gray and damp.
Yup. That's pretty much where I'm at right now.....