Why can't I be happy shiny rainbows about this pregnancy? Oh that's right, because my baby died last time...without warning, because her damn cord got wrapped around her leg so tight it cut off the oxygen supply, effectively suffocating her.
The more you know, the more you worry about. Things I read in my Pregnancy week by week book this week....
Placent.al abrupt.tion: when the placenta detaches from the uterus, cutting off the oxygen supply/blood flow to the baby. Estimated to be about 1 in 80 deliveries
Va.sa Pr.via: when the blood vessels of the cord cross the opening of the cervix. During cervix dilation or membrane rupture (early labor) the vessels can rupture and baby could bleed to death, or they can be squished, cutting off the oxygen supply to the baby. If not diagnosed, nearly 65% of the babies die. 1 in 3,000 deliveries.
Umb.ilical-Cord Prola.pse: where the umbilical cord is pushed out before the baby. My friend had this happen to her with her first. When she lost her mucous plug, the cord came out and killed her baby. It can also happen during the birth process (but is more fixable then since you'd be rushed into C-section) 1 in 300 (or 500) deliveries.
I've accepted that cord accidents happen and cannot be prevented, but now I have all this new stuff to worry about. The problem too, is that a risk factor for many of these is "multiple births"...and yeah, this is my #3
Normal mothers worry about pain during labor, or being able to breastfeed, etc. No, not me, I worry about all the ways my baby could die.....again. But what can I do? I have my late term ultrasound tomorrow morning and will definitely be asking questions about where the placenta is and if they check for a short umbillical cord or the vessels, blood flow through the cord. They should be used to my questions by now. Anything else I can ask?
Everyday is hard because I just want to get the baby out before something can go wrong.
My mother used to say, "easier to take care of inside"...but we all know that is not true. We have such little control inside and it scares me to death.
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10 comments:
yep, being in the know is certainly more worrisome.
Are you doing kick counts?
And ask ask ask! Those are questions I plan on asking later on down the road....
hang in there
I quit reading that book awhile ago... I just get weekly emails from the APA with the crib notes for the week and skip the scary stuff. I know it's there, but sometimes I just want to pretend it's not.
My mom had an abrup.tion and had an emergency c-section. Everything turned out fine luckily.
Are you pushing for a c-section this time so that you don't have to go through the anxiety of something going wrong in labor? I'm not a big fan of them, but if I had been through what you went through, I don't know that I could go another way.
I'm with you. I'm so sorry. I wish it was different for all of us. Thinking of you...
It was always a concern of mine (and to some extent it still is) that even if I got my cervix under control other things could happen and the baby could still die. Really the ways it could happen are endless and that is so very scary but you have to just get through one day at a time.
Throw the book away if it bugs.
At some point during my time online I realized I had turned a corner from "OMG, I had no idea a baby could die THAT way (said for the eleventy thousandth time)" to realizing that I now knew all the boogymen. So it's not that I don't think they won't pop out from around the corner anymore, but I'll certainly recognize them when they do and they won't shock and surprise me and I'll know someone (guaranteed) who can help. And that's pretty calming when I stop and think about it.
But that's me. Hang tough. Not much longer. I'm with you, get the damn baby out already.
My sister has the ignorance to ask me about birth plans yesterday (at 11 weeks, ffs). I simply stated: Get him/her out alive, all the rest is fluff. It shut her up (for a second).
I wish things could be blissfully ignorant happy, but as Tash said, unfortunately we know far too many boogeymen.
not sure if this will help, but i thought when they said higher risk for "multiple births" that meant being pregnant with twins, triplets, etc.. not multiple births as in multiple children? i dont know. not that that will ease your mind... statistics mean nothing to me now, since ive already been on the losing end of them. risk factors? what are those... my baby died for no reason!
I know what you mean about knowing too much and having it just put more weight on you... Pain in childbirth is the least of our worries after having children die... I am so sorry that we cant just make things happy go lucky... I wish I could snap my fingers and make things better.
Sending hugs...
Thinking of you in these last weeks. They were the most torturous for me. I hope they pass quickly for you. And please stop reading anything related to babies dying. You know enough already.
I feel the same way, but I don't think of particular ways they can die, I just think of all the women and babies I've met here and I consider the milestones they reached/passed when their own babies' died. We're never safe. Not at 12 weeks, not at 24, not even, as you very well know, at 40. Who wouldn't be shit scared? Who??? XO.
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