Stupid Paranoia...

'A' took a 'big brother' class today. Although it was a class for the children to ask questions, I timidly raised my hand to ask one that I forgot to ask my OB at the last appointment. And since the facilitator was a birth coach for the hospital, I figured she ought to know.
I asked if kids were allowed in the waiting rooms/recover rooms. Since the outbreak of H1N1 many of the hospitals have enacted a rule that says children under 16 may not enter the hospital.
She said 'no, they aren't'.
I started to lose it. Tears filled my eyes, I could feel my face go flush. And while she kept on teaching the children, I, for a brief moment thought in my stupid little head, "If it were two years ago instead of today, he would be allowed to hold this baby in the hospital. It should have happened two years ago".
Stupid me.
A was too young then to understand what was going on. He didn't go to the hospital, he doesn't know he had a sister who died. Maybe one day, when he is much older, I will tell him the story. But right now, I want him to hold onto that innocence. The innocence I lost.
And so poor A looked up at me, while trying to change the diaper on the baby doll, with that look of worry. The looked that begged "mommy, what's wrong?". I forced a smile and got up to get a glass of water. Later I told him why I was sad. I told him it was because he would not be there in the hospital, and I was sad about that.
No matter that he's been vaccinated for the H1N1 since the beginning of October, he will not be able to be there.
I thought about getting a doctor's note from his pediatrician, but Dh is doubtful that would change the policy.
Stupid paranoia....aren't there other things to be concerned with?