Abandoned House

The silence in the night
Undenyingly loud and heard
We were once in the crowd
Now stand in the corner
Once as we were

We are standing on the curb
Waiting for the taxi that won't come
The skies wash the street dirt away
And us without the umbrella
Once as we were

To grasp a ghost, but only a dream
Like running over fire in the snow
We are moving, but time stands still
Never attaining our goal
Once as we were

Cotton candy clouds
Far away and lovely
Drifting down the river in a boat made of a tire
Here we would like to linger
Once as we were

The door on the old house is broken
The old trustworthy lock has been picked
We fumble through the blackness inside
Trying to find the switch
Once as we are

Hello darkness our queer friend
You wrap us in your shawl
One would think we'd feel the warmth
Yet feel no warmth at all
Once as we are

"It doesn't matter which way you go", said the Chesire Cat.

The most important thing in my life right now are the people I love and that love me. I wish I could wrap my arms around them and we could live in our own little harmonious world, tucked away from all the dangers and disappointment we call life.
I guess I have some perspective now.
Thoughts I used to have, have been replaced with other, more wiser thoughts. Feelings I used to have, have mostly been dampened, much the way a dampener dampens a drum. Beliefs I used to have, are weak at best, and are no longer black and white, but gray and blurry. The way I thought I universe operated was in fact, proven incorrect. So down the rabbit hole I went, as if a new world was opened up, and yet, I cannot make sense of it all.
I do feel like I am in wonderland, where things don't act or do what I keep expecting them to.

I pity those who have never been through the looking glass or fell through the rabbit hole....

That is, I pity you when I am not busy envying you.

Wishing...

I wish I could laugh at you, but really, all I want to do is scream, "Are you that arrogant? That sure that you will take home a baby 8 months from now that you just announce you are 6 weeks pregnant to the world?!?!? Even after what happened to me? And how miscarriages in the first 12 weeks are so common? But really, let me know in a few months because your naive arrogance is really pissing me off!"
Oh how my face hurts like it's been slapped hard.

Babies on the brain.

Do you ever just space out while driving, thinking about your lost baby(ies)? or is that just me?
The recurrent thing that I seem to think about is being pregnant. I think because while I was driving while pregnant it was my alone time with her. I could always feel her kick to the music when I was in the car.

In other news, two more babies are due to be born this week. One is supposed to be induced sometime today. As much as I think about things going wrong, I know that they will all come home with a healthy baby.

Babies don't just die, right?!

Cycle 3 is off and running...please just let me have a normal cycle