I figured out that we are covered for infertility....
now to get that referral from my OB/GYN..
Friday, January 9, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Just Keeps Getting Better....not!
They are rioting in Oakland.
Our Govern-ator wants to cut education again, including the proposal to only require 1 instead of 2 science classes.
It has actually been proposed to our school board to drop our alternative program all together.
And A got into a fight of sorts at school and was sent home.
Worst Case Senario in my head right now:
My job gets cut but doesn't matter because A isn't able to go to school.
Not So Worst Case Senario: My job get cut, but doesn't matter because I will have to take half the school year off anyways because I'll be preggo.
Best Case Senario: I keep my job, I get preggo, A gets along in school.
So I guess the worst case senario should be: I lose my job, A gets kicked out of school, and I don't get pregnant.
How's that?
And the riots, well, it's just depressing since we use that modality of public transportation often and they were already struggling to make ends meet.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Edited to Add: My dishwasher is also broken and seems to spew water all over the floor
Our Govern-ator wants to cut education again, including the proposal to only require 1 instead of 2 science classes.
It has actually been proposed to our school board to drop our alternative program all together.
And A got into a fight of sorts at school and was sent home.
Worst Case Senario in my head right now:
My job gets cut but doesn't matter because A isn't able to go to school.
Not So Worst Case Senario: My job get cut, but doesn't matter because I will have to take half the school year off anyways because I'll be preggo.
Best Case Senario: I keep my job, I get preggo, A gets along in school.
So I guess the worst case senario should be: I lose my job, A gets kicked out of school, and I don't get pregnant.
How's that?
And the riots, well, it's just depressing since we use that modality of public transportation often and they were already struggling to make ends meet.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Edited to Add: My dishwasher is also broken and seems to spew water all over the floor
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
WHy...?
Why do people invite me to their baby showers?
Why do I click on their registries and look through them longingly?
I guess because I still do want one wriggling in my arms.
I suppose there is still some hope
Why do I click on their registries and look through them longingly?
I guess because I still do want one wriggling in my arms.
I suppose there is still some hope
Monday, January 5, 2009
Blocked ...and Waiting.
I just can't conjure up a post in my head. There has not been many thoughts in or out. It is like my mind is at a standstill. Waiting for something to happen, good or bad. Waiting to see whether I should throw hope into this year or just bide my time.
I'm at a standstill.
It's not a completely horrible place to be in. I am going about my days doing things. Just plugging along. But emotionally, I just can't. You know? I just can't either way.
So I'm counting the moments I have with the ones I love and making them count. If this is it, I think I can be content. Maybe that's what I'm on the verge of. Maybe after you are broken, and despaired, and no longer really have enough emotion to conjure up desire, maybe that is where contentment lies.
Contentment with my family, friends, job. Not wanting more. Appreciating not having less.
Is that it? Is that what "being content" means?
About 9 months ago I had lunch with my friend who had one living daughter and several failed IVF cycles, and several miscarriages in the 1st and 2nd trimesters. She spoke to me about how happy she is that she has her daughter- that she would be content with just her. I didn't understand how she could not want more, but now I think I do.
Maybe we get to a point where we cannot 'want' anymore. Maybe we accept that this may be it and then we can find contentment.
I don't really know. But I do know I haven't much hope nor despair or wanting.
And so I wait...what will 2009 bring? I can't even speculate.
I'm at a standstill.
It's not a completely horrible place to be in. I am going about my days doing things. Just plugging along. But emotionally, I just can't. You know? I just can't either way.
So I'm counting the moments I have with the ones I love and making them count. If this is it, I think I can be content. Maybe that's what I'm on the verge of. Maybe after you are broken, and despaired, and no longer really have enough emotion to conjure up desire, maybe that is where contentment lies.
Contentment with my family, friends, job. Not wanting more. Appreciating not having less.
Is that it? Is that what "being content" means?
About 9 months ago I had lunch with my friend who had one living daughter and several failed IVF cycles, and several miscarriages in the 1st and 2nd trimesters. She spoke to me about how happy she is that she has her daughter- that she would be content with just her. I didn't understand how she could not want more, but now I think I do.
Maybe we get to a point where we cannot 'want' anymore. Maybe we accept that this may be it and then we can find contentment.
I don't really know. But I do know I haven't much hope nor despair or wanting.
And so I wait...what will 2009 bring? I can't even speculate.
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