Through the Looking Glass

Funny how your perception changes as you are looking through different lenses, be them rosy or not.

I finally got glasses, and now everything seems like it's in high definition. The edges and angles are sharper. The colors are brighter. The lines are clearer.

I had no idea I was living in a fog. Until I put the glasses on, I had no idea how much I had adapted to my reality.

Perception.

With the budget what it is, my job is tentative for next fall. Because of budget cuts, summer school is now up in the air. The future is uncertain at best.

But now I know the reality is that nothing is ever assured. I don't get my hopes up. I don't expect anything, because my perception has changed.

I have lost the warm fuzziness that I had adapted to. My reality is now sharper, a little less kind. There is less for details to hide behind.

Although the future is indefinite, it IS clearer.
Finding the wisdom that no longer allows us to speculate about the things of tomorrow is unsettling and yet comforting at the same time.

There is no fear around the bend. I have seen the monster and no longer have to hide in fear because I can calculate it's every move, for his path is unobstructed. And that calculation is indeed infinite, and yet the limit is defined.

Glasses certainly make the world much more transparent, much more real.

Perception

Tagged....

Alright, alright already! I've been tagged by charmedgirl to mindlessly bore you for the next few minutes.

The rules:
1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Be sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

1. I love to ballroom dance. LOVE IT! And, it seems I am good at it despite my parents telling me at the ripe age of nine that I "had no rhythm". (I also play 4 instruments, and sing so THERE! I must have rhythm of some sort!) I'm going dancing on Friday (I get out about once a month). Dh, however does not dance. So boo on him!

2. Before I met Dh, I had a list. You know, the list of things you want in a mate. Some of these were superficial, but who cares. The list was, "intelligent, witty, humorous, caring, blue-eyed, ambitious, and made enough 'dough' for me to be a SAHM". Who knew one person could have all that? So yeah, I bagged him.

3. When I was younger(grades 4-8), they would ask us to memorize and recite poetry. I was always the first and only one in the class to be able to recite all of the poetry (sometimes 50+ lines long) in front of the class. I was so good at this that in eight grade I accidently memorized the Gettysburg Address (Four score and seven years ago...). I still do it as a parlor trick. If I could only find some usefulness for this.

4. I have some psychic powers. I used to be more clarivoyant when I was younger, but it's still there to an extent. I see ghosts too.

5. I'm a closet vegetarian. The idea of meat creeps me out....but I can eat it if I'm not thinking about it. The minute someone starts talking about it, or raw meat comes onto the scene, I start to lose it. I don't enjoy the taste or texture either. I have been like this my whole life because I remember sitting there at the dinner table, cutting my steak up into a million pieces hoping nobody will notice I didn't eat it. when I started cooking the dinners at the age of 11, I would be making spaghetti meat sauce and scoop the 'juice' off the top as it simmered and put it in a separate container for my own sauce. It wasn't until later that I learned the word "vegetarian" and then later still when I learned it was not a dirty word.

6. In grades 1-6 we would have these mathematics standardized tests. Around grade 2, I stopped doing the math part because I realized the numbers were the same each time. So instead, I memorized them. I had all of the addition, subtraction, multiplication and division 100 answers each memorized by 6th grade. I always won the competition because I didn't do the math, I just put in the answers. Is this cheating?

I tag Erin, Melissa, and WannabeMom

Dread...

For the second night in a row I have not really slept.
For the second night in a row my son spiked at 105 degree temp just before we went to bed.
There is no comfort in praying to God. There is no trust.
Pleading, begging, to keep your child safe.

And then the dark place.
What if something were to happen to him.....
I would lose it.
I am finding that I am still in a somewhat fragile state

Fear, dread...tears - these keep me from sleeping.

THAT voice is a little stronger now....I cannot ignore it.
Not on my watch!!! NOT ON MY WATCH!!!!

Tea...on my mind

I am not going in to work tomorrow. A is still running a high fever and Dh starts his new job tomorrow. I decided to run over to school and drop off sub plans and make copies for my classes tomorrow.

Upon finishing my task, after shaking the paranoia that came from strange noises and dark hallways, I decided I was craving food that is not a part of the diet I started again today. So what came to mind was that I needed a nice hot cup of Oolong Tea. This is my ultimate comfort tea that keeps me from snacking in the evenings. The problem was I was out of the tea at home.

No problem, I will stop at one of the many stores on my way home and pick some up. Store #1, where I usually buy the tea, was out (and none in the back). I decided to try next door at an herbal store. After combing the vast amount of teas in their selection I came across two options. One was a bag of Oolong Tea in loose leaf form for $14.99....hmmm...not quite. Option number two was a box of organic oolong in bags but.....they were out. After flagging down the guy who worked there and him taking the time, even though it was closing, to look upstairs, we concluded that they were out.

I jump in the car and notice another store a block away. I frantically browse through the unfamiliar isles to the tea isle. Nope, no oolong.


I get in my car and start to drive home. There is one more store that is close to my home; I will try there.

I get to the store's eerie parking lot. It is not in the best part of town, but I get a good parking spot (or so I though). I go to the door, just as they are closing one entrance. Foiled again! I must go all the way down to the other door. I know the lay of the store and go directly to the tea isle. After looking over each tea at least twice, carefully reading the label, I am beyond disbelief that they do not have Oolong tea.


One more thought...maybe the Asian food isle?

I almost run down there. "They have to have it", I think to myself. "This is insane, how can not one store have a simple Oolong tea?!"
I scan the contents of the shelf. Yes!! There it is! One brand, overly priced, but there it is!

I grab it and head out.
As I make my way towards the cashier I am CRAVING CHOCOLATE!!! And Look!! Valentine's Day candy for half price. I frantically grasp at a bag of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. I walk a few steps. "No! You have been so good all day!" "but just one or two" "no, you will eat half the bag"

I put it back and head to checkout.

I am now sitting in my chair, checking my email and hour later, and drinking my psuedomly rare Oolong tea.

I was frantic and obsessive, but in the end I feel I triumphed...and it's only day one.