Letting go...

I have never done well with transition and this is no exception.
August seems so near, and yet indeed so far.
Do I let this 'cycle' go the wayside? I probably won't ovulate anyways.As seems to happen after things like this, or after any hormonal disruption. But do I give up hope? Will I have a long cycle? a short cycle?
I don't 'idle' well as my mother puts it.

Summer school has almost ended. We have four more days. Some things went down with a student last week. A student who I liked, but who made some bad choices. And I, unwaivering, had to turn him in. The result was him being escorted in handcuffs, mother trailing in tears. But I refuse to accept any blame for this. It was not my decision to make. I had no choice. There was no alternative in my mind. The choice was his, and he made the wrong one.

It's difficult. I am disappointed. He was making headway in my class. Doing well on assessments (which, I equate with actually paying attention in class and yes, 'learning'). He was so close to finishing--four days, and then let it slip through his fingers.

So much of life is striving for the things you want, then somehow having it slip through your fingers, only to be caught striving again, struggling again, having the same goal.

As he was sitting in the office waiting to be picked up, I could see in his eyes he was thinking "Where did I go wrong? Where did I screw it up? What was my mistake?".
Yes, there is a giant learning curve in this race we call life.
The Buddhists believe that we are here to learn. Every 'mistake' really a lesson. And if we do not learn from it, we will repeat the lesson.
And I seem to remember reading something in my high school history class about
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

So what is the lesson I keep screwing up? Where do I keep going wrong? I'm open, I'm receptive. But like I refuse to give the answers to the awaiting audience in my classroom, so do I know the answer will not be given to me. I can only hope I have learned enough....