No alarm went off. I looked up and could see a little light coming through the blinds. Wait, this isn't right, I thought. I frantically glanced at the clock. 7:00 on the dot.
Crap!
Somehow I was out the door a half hour later and into bumper to bumper traffic.
Crap.
Then one thought crept in.
I pushed it aside.
Crept in again, as I kept nudging my way through the 10 miles to school.
Crap.
Crap. Crap.
I'm crying by this point, full out wailing crying.
Exit the freeway.
Park the car.
Walk to class....crept in again.
And there she was. Her body, surprisingly warm, being thrust into my awaiting arms. She felt like a baby, a real live baby. Except she wasn't. I stared into her face with only love because the sorrow came later.
I loved her. She was mine. If only for a second.
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3 comments:
What an awful way to start the day. Sometimes I have dreams like that where I am holding her and she is alive. And as upsetting as they are, I find them somewhat comforting at the same time. I hope you had a moment of peace too.
The flashbacks can completely overwhelm me. I suspect they always will. I spend most of the time trying to put those moments, this past year, all of it out of my head. And then a memory sneaks up on me and I'm right there back in that sad and awful moment.
XO.
Oh, I'm so sorry. What a horrible start to a week. I hope today has been better. Those "dreams" or "flashbacks" whatever they are are the worst. I wish they would go away, and yet, I don't. Does that make sense?
Hope today brought some peace.
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