I just heard by from my wonderful Doc and she insisted that 'by definition' I am not infertile because I managed to get pregnant last May, even though it ended in M/C.
I told her about my irregular periods. She wanted to do some tests first. I reminded her that I had already had my thyroid tested, progesterone last time after having this problem after J. I told her I've always had irregular cycles.She said, 'Well, they're just going to put you on progesterone'.
I said, "No, why would they do that?" Once I ovulate, it's like clockwork 14 days later AF shows up, demonstrating it's not a progesterone problem. She asked how I know this. I said I've been temping (little fib) and doing OPKs and my fertility monitor.
Fuck. Why is this so hard. She then said, "Well, you know once you go to a specialist, you are going to stress out about getting pregnant more". (No, not doing anything and wondering what the hell is wrong with me would stress me out more)
She said, "well, it hasn't yet been a year". I said, it has since we've been trying. She said, but you don't have a problem getting pregnant. I reminded her that both with my son and daughter I was on the pill when I got pregnant..not normal.
Since when is having a period every other month normal?
So she wants me to keep my appointment on the 19th (for a followup pap to the colp. last fall) and bring in my 'charts' so she can make a good case for the referral so it doesn't get rejected by the insurance.
I know she probably means well, but what about me?
I need to go in there with more arguments, so what should I say? What should I ask? If I'm not "Infertile" or whatever, what is my good cause for wanting to be referred?
And why do I have to fucking fight for everything?
*sigh* Can I cry now?
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15 comments:
Fuck her. Seriously. It's probably easier to play along like Charmed says just so you don't waste time, but I would find another doctor after that. Bottom line, YOU are in charge. When you go in on the 19th, do not let her bully you, you are paying for HER.
Just go in and insist that she give you the referral, you have done enough research and your have FERTILITY ISSUES, the definition of INFERTILE is a moving target and up for far too much debate. Things are not "normal" by any means and she needs to do what YOU tell her to do. If she doesn't agree, then respectfully tell her you will be changing doctors because you do not need to be disrespected.
GAWD I just want to punch her in the fucking throat. Seriously.
Also, you may check into it, but my RE is also technically an OBGYN and my insurance didn't require an offical referral. In between now and the 19th, maybe call some RE's and work on getting appointment set up. Tell them the push back you are getting on the referral, they may say not needed. Worth a shot. And you can set the appt for after the 19th, since it takes a while to get an appt.
Ditto above. How many days was your last cycle? It was lonnngggg, right? That spells a problem. It's hard to figure out when you're ovulating, and not to give her too much credit, but could still present a progesterone problem (on top of some other stuff).
Charmy's right -- OB's like to think they can fix things and for some reason don't see what the fuss is (mine hardly blinked at my charts, where my RE pointed out every little thing including my slow rise after O and said, see? this? Problem.). I can't remember how old you are, but that's a good card to play too.
go in loaded with knowledge. Charts are good. You've had a miscarriage with no subsequent pregnancy. Ask her what the symptoms are for PCOS (long cycles are one!). Remind her that by the time you get a fucking appointment, it will have been a year of trying.
I'm sorry she's making this so difficult. When I went in to ask, she gave me two months to try her way, and her way failed, and she immediately recommended my RE who was fabulous.
I get irritated when people refer to me as being an infertile (no offense to any of you) because I don't have a problem getting pregnant, just keeping the baby in there. My cervix is infertile, but *I* am not. I think I'm in denial.
Anyway, here is the definition of infertility:
"Most experts define infertility as not being able to get pregnant after at least one year of trying. Women who are able to get pregnant but then have repeat miscarriages are also said to be infertile."
So shove that up your doctors ass. And get a new one if she's not doing what you want her to.
Remind me of Gnarl Barkley's 'Who's gonna save my soul tonight'....
Ok- I've never had to convince THAT particular type of doctor for a refferal but I have had to for others.
Here is what I do...KILL THEM WITH INTELLECT AND KINDNESS. It feels a little patronizing, but hell - she just reduced you to a pile of nothingness with her high and mighty attitude...so go for it.
Get your facts in order and SMILE!
You can always pull the age card. That year bull is for the youngsters and most RE don't go by that for most women over 30. So try that on her and also check with your insurance as alot of them don't require a referral for an RE (strange as it sounds!). If all else fails you can try this as a last ditch effort. If you have to you can tell use the medical code that patients use to say in a nice way that you won't be back and you want the referral: I would be more comfortable if Dr So and So investigated this problem for me. You might will be burning bridges, but you might get your referral. Most doctors don't like the whole I left my patient with a problem hanging issue(for legal reasons, so you you might get a referral that way).
Good luck!
I've got no assvice, but am sympathizing with you. Ditto G and Charmy.
Hey, I've got a couple more: ask her if she feels it's appropriate to run Clmoid Challenge or test your FSH. Read up on both of them, and then judge based on her reaction to both what these tests involve (her knowledge thereof) and her seriousness in your request.
The definition of infertility is one full year of unprotected, well-timed sex that does not produce a pregnancy, but of COURSE there is wiggle room when a pregnancy within that time ends in miscarriage. Any doctor should know that, and I'm so, so sorry yours is giving you more grief than you've already gone through. It's just not right.
After what you've been through it's unconscionable that your doctor is making you fight for this. It's heartless and cruel. I'm so very, very sorry.
My family doctor was hesitant to refer me too, but I think it's because she was so optimistic about my chances of conceiving. But it's not about HER optimism, it's about MY body and MY life and MY comfort level.
That should be all you need to say to your doctor, and I'm so sorry it isn't.
I think you have more than enough reason to want to be referred to a fertility specialist. One loss during a year of trying AND irregular periods - there is no reason why you should have to beg to be allowed to find more answers.
You need them. Period. After losing two children, you deserve that.
I'm so sorry.
You have already been offered a lot of good advice.
I want to add that you may want to consider a new OB regardless of how this works out with the referral issue. Do you really want to go through your next pregnancy with this woman as your doctor? For me it would be pretty much intollerable to have an OB with whome I have to fight to be heard.
Good luck with this. You continue to be in my thoughts.
I didn't have the 'fertility' issue on the conception side so my assvice is more about dealing with and be treated by a doctor who LISTENS and doesn't diminish you or your concerns. You want an OB who will be sensitive to you not just when you are trying but also when you succeed b/c that pg is going to bring a whole new bag of issues with it.
Beyond that, Tash and Charmer have it covered. And I'd especially play the age card if it applies, esp if you are over 35...time is eggs and all that jazz.
God, I hate sucky docs. Bleh.
Fingers crossed for you. Everyone of em.
xxoo
No Assvice here, I think Charmed and Tash have it covered!
Doctors, what shits! I think based upon this alone once you get that refferal you need to change doctors! There is NO excuse for that kind of behavior on a physicians part...who gives a rats ass if they went to school for upteen years?!
Hang in there and I'll be waiting to see the "I got the referral" post!
I'm a little late here, and everyone has said it already. Just know that I'm thinking of you and hoping the right people are put in your path to help you.
Oh, I'm so with Tash and Charmy. Your doc sounds like a beeee-atch. If she fails to see that there is a problem, THAT is a problem.
Good luck, hon. XO.
Hi, I found you through a rabbit trail starting at Molly's blog. I'm sorry. I know the pain of infertility.
The good thing is, doctors are a dime a dozen. Maybe you can find one with more of a heart and less of an attitude.
I understand the anger at things that are such a fight for you, coming so easily to others around you.
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