I want this so bad I am slightly freaking out.
I want to nest, make the baby's room, get the baby stuff, have the baby shower.
I want to hold him/her in my arms in those soft cuddly flannel blankets, all wrapped up and warm.
Oh fuck, how I want this so bad.
I am so happy it is scaring me. I've tried not to climb to that precipice of hope, but damnit, I'm there. Now I either jump or fall.
And now I am crying because I'm scared. Despite my cautious efforts to guard my heart I have fully embraced the joy that I am pregnant. How can this end in happiness?
In the back of my mind, I still see myself falling.
I don't want to fall....
I know I love this baby unconditionally already. I've tried not to get too attached and now here I am.
I now have everything to lose..again.
Please send good vibes for a healthy sonogram on Friday. I hope everything's alright. How can I wait until then? 5 days....
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9 comments:
Breathe, just breathe, Tiny steps, one day, sometimes one moment, at a time. I know it is excruciating, the waiting. You will get there. You will.
Keeping everything crossed for you and some very good news on Friday!
xxoo
I am and will be praying for you. Time is suppose to be our friends, huhn, well I think thats a load of crap. I hate waiting too. Its awful. I wish we as baby lost mamas had the power to rewind and fast forward time. That would sure come in handy.
Keeping you in my thoughts and Prayers!!! Praying peace for you...I know it is so hard to not worry....hoping right along with you. :) Hang in there girl, we are all here for you!
Hoping for you and sending my most positive thoughts for this Friday.
I second so much of what you wrote in the post. I too am prego (w/ my 3rd, after 2 stillborns) I want so bad to get excited and do the "normal" things others do, BUT I CANT!! All i can do is take it a week at a time and treasure the fact that this little one is kicking me right now. I too have an ultrasound this week, so check growth etc, so nervous. I'll be thinking of you and waiting to hear of your results. ((((HUGS))))
Sounds perfectly normal to me. But look who's talking.
Sorry I've been absent for so long-- trying to get caught up on the reader. Will check back on Friday.
sending good vibes! how scary! one day, hopefully you will send good vibes to me too, i know i'll need them!
Do you really have a choice in this? You have to jump and see where you land. You have already survived the worst. You can do this.
We're all here to offer support and strength any way we can. Best wishes on Friday.
prayers and hugs your way...
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