Crushing..

Sometimes it feels as if my world is crashing in on me..

My MIL has started chemo; my FIL is being so overprotective, it's rather uncomfortable.
My mother got rear-ended and the insurance companies won't give her money to fix her car, calling it 'totalled'. She can't afford a car payment. We're trying to buy her a car, but she is resisting.
I can't make my sister's graduation of grad school because of the day/time/location/kids
Dh is having issues with people at work, not sure if he will stay. If he stays, he might continue to be unhappy as these people are making it very difficult for him
I'm getting the preliminary paperwork that looks like it's leaning toward me getting a final layoff notice early next month
I can't find time to study for the GRE or even look at applications for nursing school.
My to-do list for my son's birthday parties is so long and daunting, hence I have procrastinated even more
Mother's Day is coming....the 3 year anniversary of the loss of innocence is coming.
I loose weight, then gain some, then loose some, then gain some.
When I am anxious I eat. Then I look in the mirror and hate myself.
The house is clean, then it is messy, then clean again.
I make dinner one night, then not the next, then maybe the night after that.
Two steps forwards...one or two or three back.

The good parts of the day, the things that get me through, are looking into both my sons eyes. One pair is full of newfound critical judgement, finding reason in everything. The other is filled with wonder of seeing new things every day..every minute

Why can't it ever be easy?
I hate problems that can't be solved...round and round they go in my head. I hate time that has to be found, and yet I can't catch my breath.
It's weighing me down...I want to cry. I want to talk. But to who? The people involved are the ones that I would normally talk to. Even so...still no answers...no solutions...I hate this.